i think it’s important every once in awhile for bloggers to include their personal voice in their posts. i think it allows readers to get to know who is behind the scenes and realize it’s a human, not a robot. i have a voice and i think many can relate to what i’m going to write about. i’ve been sitting on this one for awhile. kind of scared to publish this, but i promised myself that in 2013, i’d do things that frighten me. so be forewarned, this post isn’t pretty and about weddings, though it most definitely has to do with love.
everyday i get to blog about love, weddings, engagements, and anniversaries and showcase the hard work of wedding vendors, specifically photographers and videographers. every post includes couples who have made it work and taken that leap together to share a next chapter. i get to stare at all this love and gorgeous work every day. but for me, the past few months have been really hard, even had to take a solid break from blogging for a good three months. i’m at a point in my life (i’m sure many can relate) where the generation or two above us are leaving this earth. it’s hard to grasp that reality. on top of that, i went through a break up.
let’s be real, folks…running a wedding blog and going through a break-up. what the heck are you suppose to do?
it was coming. it was bubbling for a few months or so. we were both on the river of denial. we are both determined/stubborn people who had an illusion that it could work if we just kept trying. don’t get me wrong, kids. we were AMAZING when together. no one could understand our Dr. Seuss weirdness, even til the end. that first year of us- you really couldn’t bring us down from whatever ridiculous cloud we were on. we somehow made that semi-long distance work and it was bloody brilliant (i will always be thankful for that). but reality set in. the reminder that we are grown ups and have these values and responsibilities to ourselves slapped us in our faces. both our careers were starting to interfere with the relationship, unreasonable pressure from the outside, and certain self values that we couldn’t let go. we finally hit that moment.
“You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.“
let’s be real, folks…nothing ever prepares you for a break up. good or bad. mutual or one-sided. it just knocks the wind of you. even if it was coming. it’s just mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. no matter how many times you go through one. it was a really hard decision to make. a bloody hard decision to make. tears were shed on both ends (he’ll probably say it was cause he hadn’t dusted his apartment). but it really just wasn’t working and our future was being blurred. it was making us both so stressed and so unhappy with ourselves and each other. and when it comes to your health and being, it’s ok to be selfish and look out for yourself. we made an adult decision and parted ways.
it has NOT been easy. dealing with family deaths and an ailing grandma and this. when you have fully vested your heart in something and it goes away, that emptiness is rather indescribable. but here’s the best part. i am surrounded by love. my sister flew me up two weeks after the break up. her support and her words pulled me through undoubtedly. my dad tried his best to cheer me up in his dad ways. additionally, i have and am blessed with quite possibly the best friends all around the world. ever. from living 5 minutes away to blogger friends to wedding industry friends to all the way in hong kong, they came out of the woodwork to give me hugs and words on a daily basis (including a spa certificate for a ridiculous amount of money i might add). i am ever so thankful for that.
so what was the point of this post? i swear it’s not all about me. i’m hoping to shed some light on why i haven’t been as enthusiastic about my blog lately, but also, share something readers can relate to. (i know not all of you reading this are engaged or married). i do not wish any of you to go through break ups. count yourself so lucky if you have THE one and are making it work. but realize this, that if it doesn’t feel right and you’re losing grasp of yourself and the two of you, do yourselves a favor and don’t drag it out. it’s going to suck either way. you have to let. it. go. your happiness is important, so very important. sometimes it’s just not meant to work. i’m still recovering. there is no recipe for break-up recovery. i can guarantee that you’ll learn a lot about yourself and find yourself again. i’m not completely there yet. i still have my moments where i’m so sad and disappointed we didn’t work out cause i really believed we were it. but i am making sure to surround myself with those who make my heart full and fill that empty space. i even flew myself to NYC and i’m so very glad i did that since i ate my way through that city and had a glorious time even though i brought with me a cold front. i am making sure to do things for myself again including singing lessons (Barbra Streisand, watch out). i’m relearning a lot about myself and i’m thankful to him and to our relationship for that. relationships teach you that- what you liked, what you didn’t like, what to watch out for with the next one, what you need to improve on, etc. they teach you to HEART LIKE A CRAB.
“Did you know when a crab loses its leg (say, in a freak fishing accident) and it is thrown back in the ocean, it grows a new, stronger, more agile leg? Mr. Crab now kicks ass on the sea bed, shuffling around like Rocky of the crustaceans. Well, maybe the heart is just like the crab. Once in a while, a piece of heart gets damaged or broken, but after a little time and patience a new piece grows in its place. This new piece of heart, like the new crab leg, is stronger, more resistant and basically kicks butt. The heart becomes whole again.”
so what have i learned so far?
1. like the article said, you can let yourself wallow in self pity OR you can be thankful that you had that experience and know that no one can take that love you shared with each other away.
2. this time for myself has been more than valuable. i’m slowly picking up the pieces and in time, i know i will be opening my heart again, but for now, it’s for myself, my friends, and more than ever right now, my family.
3. yes, real love takes work. talking to married and divorced friends, marriage is no walk in the park. but at the same time, real love never fails and you shouldn’t have to convince someone to love you. and if that weird feeling at the back of your mind never goes away and you don’t feel at ease, trust that instinct and it’s not meant to be. “Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.”
4. i am braver and stronger that i thought. c’mon, i run a wedding blog AND still run it despite going through a break up AND having a full-time day job (only missing one day to take time for myself right after the break up) AND being strong for my parents while they lose loved ones.
5. i am blessed by an amazing family who stands by me through and through, no matter what kind of crazy arguments and fights we have with each other. i am also so very fortunate to have friends who truly have big hearts and have been there for me without realizing it.
ok, so this was really long. i hope i haven’t scared off readers. i felt it was necessary to be truthful about me. weird to blog about love when you feel that you have failed with your own. have patience with me while i go through this recovery stage. i thank you ahead of time. i thank those of you who come here on a daily basis. this blog is STILL my happy place despite what i’m going through. this is probably my one and only debbie downer post for the blog. for those of you who are in a funk with your relationship or going through a break-up, i hope this has helped a tiny bit. you will get through it. surround yourself with family and friends. it’s ok to cry it out. it’s ok to be angry. it’s ok to be disappointed. watch all seasons of sons of anarchy. watch all seasons of friday night lights. listen to sappy music. listen to really angry music. listen to super happy music. treat yo’self. have dance parties and throw confetti. trust me.
for those who have gone through a rough spot in their relationship or a break up, share some advice. i would love to hear/read your two cents.
thanks for listening and letting me blargh out my emotions.